Several years ago when we were building our house we made an enemy out of our neighbor across the street. It wasn’t intentional, it was just circumstance. Our property had belonged to her in-laws and on it sat the local swimming hole her son and other kids from the neighborhood called their own. She did not take it very well when we told the kids they could no longer play and swim freely on our property even though we had perfectly legitimate and understandable reasons. These particular neighbors were not very well off, and although we weren’t either we had far more than they did. I think the list of their resentments ran long and deep.
The first few years with an angry, chemically enhanced
neighbor were touch and go. We learned to ignore the tirades, and the fact our
street was a regular beat for the county law enforcement. Eventually the
problem resolved itself and through the course of an ironic turn of events the
neighbors dispersed and the house burned down. The neighbor’s brother now owns the land, and
he scraped the burnt ruins into a heap of charred rubble. In doing so he unearthed long forgotten
flower bulbs which have now jumped back to life and returned a little beauty to the
place scarred by neglect and foul tempers.
I took a walk there one day and stepped onto the empty lot
to admire the flowers. Standing in the
space once occupied by the front door I looked towards my house and was
reminded of a line in one of my favorite books, To Kill a Mockingbird, when
Atticus teaches his daughter, Scout, a lesson in tolerance. “You never really
understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you
climb into his skin and walk around in it.”
This lesson was driven home to me recently at work as well. I knew a person who built tension between him
and everyone he encountered. He was
quick to lodge allegations of mistreatment against anyone who did not agree
with him. I have since learned he had a
traumatic childhood and his attitude is most likely a defense system he has levied
to protect himself against hurt and disappointment. He doesn’t understand his mode of defense is
offensive to others, thereby creating a viscous circle of discontent among
everyone involved. Now I can see from
his point of view. It doesn’t make his
manner more appealing, but knowing the situation maybe I can change my attitude
towards him for the better and try to put a nick in the cycle.
I know I am often guilty of jumping to conclusions about one’s
character, so I’ve been making a conscious effort to view things from many
sides to draw a better understanding of their point of view. Even though I may not agree with it, I still
try to understand it.
You never know what kind of burden the person next to you is
carrying in their heart. The ones with
the heaviest hearts are the least likely to scream tirades at their neighbor or
act belligerently to get their way. No,
they are the ones most likely to smile and keep walking. So before you make a hasty judgement take a figurative stance
on Boo Radley’s porch and look at your own house. If you see a lot of windows be careful with
the rocks you may be tempted to throw at it.
