Dawn

July 13, 2011

It is right before breaking dawn and I am awake.  Any other day of the week I wouldn’t consider dragging myself out of bed at this time, but today is not any other day.  This is the day my family and I will lay my mother in her final resting place.  A place made for her three years ago when my father passed.  It has been there with her name on it, waiting.  Later today the earth will be moved away and her body will be lowered in beside that handsome man she landed sixty years ago, and their bodies will lie side by side from now until. But that’s not so important to me. What is important is I know those are just bodies, shells of selves God gave them to walk around and live in during a brief time on earth.  Their true selves, their beings, their souls are joined together for eternity with all of the other saints in heaven, praising God and singing Glory Bees and Hosannas and all songs of praise we in our human bodies cannot even fathom exist.  THAT is life. My mother did not lose her life.  She gained it.

Last night I saw her in her resting state.  She was beautiful.  Absolutely glowing.  Everyone I spoke to went on and on about how beautiful she was.  Then they would look at her pictures we had set about and remark how she was so beautiful.  The ironic thing is my mother would have never thought of herself as beautiful.  Never.  She was, of course, but like all of us years piled on stress and sadness, and the burdens she carried in her heart kept her beauty from shining.  Well, she shone last night.  She was the belle of the ball.   I think it was God’s way of revealing her true self for everyone to see.  As if He was saying, “This is my daughter, she served me well.  Look closely, for this is the revelation of the meaning of inner beauty.”

The light is coming up now and I have to get a start on this long day.  I have a feeling this headache I’ve had for more than a week is finally going to lift today. So Mama, I know you are already in heaven, but if you listen in today the songs we chose for your mass say it all.  Be Not Afraid, for God will raise you Up Eagles Wings and bring you into His Amazing Grace.  And save some space in the house He has prepared for you because I will be there for Sunday lunch when it’s my time to join you.  I love you, Mama. I didn’t say it much, but I know you knew my heart. 

Love,

Your baby.