Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Being still


I seem to do my deepest thinking in the earliest hours of the morning; that time of day when I am awakened and cannot go back to sleep.  I think this is when God finds it most quiet and knows I will listen.  I’ve been trying to listen lately because my heart has been heavy.  The death of my mother, changes in my family’s dynamics, financial burdens, and undue stress at my job have been pulling at my spirit.

There is a time after a death when you start missing the person who died.  It’s not just “oh, I miss her,” but you notice something in your life is truly amiss.  Immediately after a death our body, mind and spirit are in a state of shock that carries us through the actions that must be done at that time.  It is not until the daily routine returns that you start to notice a little thread is hanging from the weave.  You try to skip over it each day and not disturb it, but it slowly unravels until there is a hole you cannot ignore.  That is when the mending begins.   

Now is that mending time for me.  I am not good at sewing, so this is always the hardest part.
This anxiety added to the other stresses I am experiencing make me feel as though I am standing at the edge of a pit, looking down into the blackness and knowing it is not a place I want to be.  So I have been listening, waiting for God to speak to me and tell me everything is going to be alright.  Listening and waiting can be the most difficult part.  Maybe that is why Psa 46:10 keeps going through my head, “Be still and know that I am God.”  This is the first step, to be still.  It is easy for me to be physically still, but being mentally still is a different story. 

Background noise is the soundtrack of my life.  My mind is always occupied with the noises around me.  In my car I am listening to the radio or my iPod. Music and talk radio keep me company on my daily commute.  At home the television is either on, whether I’m watching it or not, or I’m reading something.  Even when I go to bed I tune my ears to the music of the night sounds outside.  It’s all about the noise.  Silence does not suit me.  Silence is louder than the background noise.

I guess God doesn’t want to scream at me to reach me through the noise, so he gently shakes me awake in the early morning hours, the only time the entire house is silent and my mind is still.  “Be still and know that I am God.”  So this morning I am awake and the recent troubles of my life start to play in my head like a tape recorder that keeps rewinding, and I get up to find the words I have been longing to hear. 
Joh 14:26  But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
Joh 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
and….
Mat 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Sometimes you cannot wait for a loud voice from heaven to speak into your ear.  Sometimes you have to be still and calm and find these messages of hope for yourself in the Word He has given us.  Be still and let the Comforter lead you.  It is not easy.  It is hard to find the faith to give it all up.  I’m not saying my faith is that strong, but I never give up on it.  I know, for me, it is the only way to stay away from the edge of that black pit.  

So pray for me, and I will pray for you.  Together, united under the Comforter, we can make it through the hard times and mend the hole.  Remember, He told us in Mat 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

1 comment:

  1. I pray for you, for I see the burden you still carry. Only time and silence can mend the burden and you'll be left with memories abound, the good kind you find yourself laughing at and others turn and look at you like you're crazy. Smile. Love, hugs and prayers!

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