Talent(s)(ed)(less)

August 9, 2011

My job as an international student advisor has offered me the opportunity to meet many gifted and interesting people from all over the globe.  Some students graduate and go on to great things and I never hear from them again, but there are a few over the years who have remained in close contact.  One such student is a woman from Costa Rica who received her doctorate in piano.  She is a professional musician in every sense of the word.  I am in awe of her talent.  She’s now employed as a music professor at a college in another state.  So when I answered the phone at work today, and she was on the other end of the line, I was delighted to hear her voice and catch up on her new life.  As we were chatting the subject of learning came up.  She told me how her life as a student never prepared her for the things she has had to learn to do as a professor.  She told me the only thing she ever knew how to do all her life was to “move my fingers”, and now she’s learning things so out of her realm she is amazed at herself.  She never imagined she could ever learn so many things unrelated to music.  

Move my fingers.  I liked those words.  Our conversation made me reflect on my own talents and accomplishments.  What is the only thing I’ve ever known how to do all my life?  I’ve never considered myself an expert at anything even though I have had the same job for twenty-one years.  How do I “move my fingers?”  I certainly don’t move my fingers over a keyboard like my friend.  The only keyboard I know is the kind with letters and punctuation marks.

I was born into a family at the end of the line.  There were six before me, so when I came along my mother was tired.  I don’t blame her.  Seven children and a full-time job would wear anyone out.  I was also handicapped with a crippling shyness that led me to hide behind her apron strings and cling to them for dear life.  Maybe this is why my mother never pushed me into anything.  I didn’t take music lessons, dance lessons, or endeavor in any activities outside of school.  My sisters and brothers were the artists, scholars, musicians and photographers.  I was their biggest fan.  My talent was to follow them around and be the baby sister.  I’ve never considered myself to have any special talent.  There are things I wish I could do, like sing, dance, paint, the usual.  These are only dreams, though, because my voice is crackly, I have no rhythm and the most I can draw is the outline of a house or the sun setting over the ocean.  Of course my biggest talent dream is to be a writer.  A writer of novels that move the reader to laugh, cry, and think profound thoughts.  The usual. 

My dreams continue, but in reality I have come up with a list of potential talents I like to think am good at, but I’ve never been confident enough in myself to be sure:

I am good at my job, but promotions and raises do not come my way.

I am a good listener, but not a good communicator.

I am a good mother, but I do not see myself as motherly.

I am often empathetic, but rarely sympathetic.

I am a good planter, but not a good gardener.

I am spiritual, but I am not churchy.

I can be a good friend, but I can be neglectful.

I am a good writer, but not a good grammarian.

I seem to have a talent for making definitive statements followed by negative clauses.  I have many “I ams” followed by “but nots”.   

One day I hope things will become clearer to me.  I want to be rid of the negative clauses.  I have faith that God will open up my eyes and ears and I’ll say, “So that’s it!”  I don’t think it will have anything to do with the arts, but He could surprise me.  Regardless of what it is or is not, I may yet learn how to move my fingers.